thoughtful moments

.... I wonder why it is folks have the need to tell me about their family or friend that has this disease. Was at a function last night and was told about a friends family member who had died a few weeks ago of the same cancer that i have. Why would someone think that makes me feel better? Or indeed that I even need to know.I have learnt a lot about people and myself in the last few years. sometimes it feels like I am very alone and other times its almost consuming. sometimes I get very afraid and othertimes not. I feel like I MUST get the most out of every day, because I don't know how many more there are. I feel stronger in spirit and yet weaker in body. and that to can vary on a daily basis. Days that are not my best I beat myself up thinking about what I haven't achieved. I feel like I'm living in a parallel universe from the one that I used to exsist on ! I watch others with this disease and they always appear to be coping way better than me. But I wonder if they are really deep inside.